Andy Soper: In the Footsteps of Strong Women

Once upon a time, I arrived at my Aunt Susie’s house in time to hear the last dinner plate smash. She’d had a hard week, evidently. That day, she got up early, hit every garage sale on the Reservation, and bought as many breakable dishes as she could afford. Then, one at a time, she hurled them against her home’s brick exterior. She was sifting through $35 of ceramic carnage when I rounded into the backyard.

‘What are you doing?!’ I squawked, my pre-pubescent voice cracking somewhere between ‘do-’ and ‘-ing.’

She smiled up at me. ‘I don’t know, honey,’ she said, wiping sweat, tears, and flecks of porcelain from her face. ‘But, I think the answer is somewhere in this mess.’

She handed me a bucket and began filling it with thoughtfully chosen shards. Within a week, she’d shaped the wreckage into a mosaic countertop to hold all her dishes not yet shattered in frustration.

Creative, wild women like my Aunt Susie raised me to embrace the values of struggle, renovation, and, always-always-always, celebration. They invited me (okay ... required me) to work alongside them. They taught me how to hustle and how to rest. They taught me how to carve out places of belonging.

The impulses they instilled still drive my efforts. For twenty years, I’ve worked with victims of severe child abuse, Human Trafficking survivors, and youth experiencing homelessness. In all that time, the most powerful intervention I could deploy was simply introducing a victim to a survivor. No matter how many books I’d read or best practices I memorized, my offerings were dwarfed by the insight and connection a survivor could offer. There is no better way to show that healing is possible than being with someone who has been healed.

Side note: do you know how maddening that is!? I bust my buns, twisting myself into knots to connect with someone, and then - poof - in walks a survivor who casually pats me on the head with their ‘I’ll-take-it-from-here-lil’-guy’ energy.

You may be asking, ‘Andy, isn’t Grace’s Table founded by a teen mom? Isn’t the place all about peer support from other moms living that life? … are you a teen mom, Andy?’

No. No, I’m not. And, yes, to all your other queries. Thank you for your observations, Good Citizen.

I’m not a teen mom, but I am very much a Grace’s Table kid. My Dad passed away when I was only 3, leaving my Mom to care for my sister and I alone. I know how precarious that life is. I know that there are bad actors who prey on that vulnerability. I also experienced how gracious and expansive people can be. I experienced good people coming alongside us and cheering us on.

I’ve experienced the magic that moms can do even in the most difficult conditions - even more so if she is supported by her community. I’m not alone in that. So many of us were raised by moms just like the moms who come to Grace’s Table. My job is to bear witness to their goodness and make room for more. I need you to do the same.